Merry Christmast or Merry Me?

Thats quiet a sensational word, right? -,-

Well last December 25th 2013, I got a big event.

Not an even as usual. There no invitation, crowd of people, pack of foods, or maybe bunch of flowers.

But one thing that I will never forget.

He, my exboy, come to house. ALONE.

Yeah, alone using a motorcycle.

After all the things that have been happened. tears, pain, confusing, and missunderstanding.

If you asked me how it feel?

I ll directly answer, it can make your heart push or jump a bit, and you do really confuse about what the things that you will to do first.

Yap, I shock! got a great shock.

Maybe because we ever had a cross or something like that, so its not normal when I see him not as my boy anymore.

We called as salting,stand for salah tingkah, it is an Indonesian word which means the condition when we are nervous for doing everything, we always failed or make a mess when doing something because we are too shy or too nervous.

Even, he wore our couple T-shirt (his father bought us), purple-grey, and he also brought us a cake, he also brought the bag that I gave him as his birthday gift. And you know what, my mom is the one who chose that bag.

So maybe what I can say is I am a girl who can't be move :p

He, my exboy, isnt my first boy actually, but one thing that I do really sure is he is my first love.

I dont want to know any mythe saying about first love last forever or whatever because it will just hurt me a lot.

I was failed to keep it, I was...

I dont know my fault at first, but then I asked my friend, Diah Ayu Ratnaningsih.

She said that I am too hard to hold, I never told him my problem or what I want.

I dont think that I should tell him all my problems because sometimes its too privacy. You know like what a girls need, her menstrual cycle or what, do you I should tell him about that?

or maybe its about my problem in home, I just dont want bother others with that such complicated problem, especially for the one whom I loved the most after Allah and my family, Farras Reyhan Hidayatullah.

I dont mean something bad about this or maybe you think I have a bad intention by not telling him my home problem.

I know WHEN the time that I should tell him, I will, I do sure I will tell him everything. Just wait until I got my mood and a little bit calm.

I just think that he force me a bit, I know he is kind and mean something good by doing that but I am not ready yet.

But everything just left behind and I just pray to God that he will know my reason someday.

And I am standing here, still :3

Maybe you can learn a lot from my experience, when a people is in a relationship, dont try to hide anything that make your boy or girls curious until they think other bad things on you. just try to be opened.

Good luck :)